


No Good Reason

by chararii



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, God please someone else write some TsunaSaku for a change, I'm all over the tag and Ao3 is calling me out, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecurity, Kakashi ships it, Mild Language, Post-Canon, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26647903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chararii/pseuds/chararii
Summary: One is confident in their relationship. The other isn't.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Tsunade
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91





	No Good Reason

**Author's Note:**

> More TsunaSaku because I am turning into a one-trick pony, apparently. Canon compliant for once. No time travel. No dimension travel. No AU whatsoever. Just post-canon TsunaSaku. Enjoy!

“I hate this.” Her fingers dug into the sash of her dress, crumbling it until a hand curled itself around hers, freeing the sash and resuming the task Sakura had abandoned.

“You're too young to be sour over your birthdays.” Sakura harrumphed, sending her mirror image a baleful glare while the other woman smoothed the skirt of her dress, fingertips briefly brushing over the bare skin of her thighs.

“That's not what I meant and you know it,” she muttered and reached for her favourite lipstick. A pale rose colour she had been gifted two years prior. Not a fan of makeup she ordinarily wouldn't have used it but considering who had given it to her... she'd worn it every day since.

“Not this again.” Sakura felt her hackles rise at the hint of annoyance that had snuck itself into the woman's voice, accompanied by a quiet sigh. Whirling around, she put her hands on her hips and glowered at the blonde in front of her.

“There is no good reason to continue this... _stupid charade_!” And just like that, the earlier atmosphere vanished into nothingness as Sakura's temper bled all over her surroundings. She was known to be a hothead, explosive and volatile in her moods. An intensity that was matched by only one person.

“There are plenty of reasons! Do you want me to list them all since you seem to have forgotten? Again?!” Sakura growled, prompting the other woman to snarl with her teeth bared and honey-colored eyes sparking in fury.

“I am an adult! All my friends are adults! They can deal with the knowledge that _we've been a couple for over two years_!”

“THEY CANNOT!” Tsunade roared, hands balled to fists, chest rising and falling with each breath she took. Sakura refused to cower and they stared at each other for what could be seconds or minutes, until Tsunade bit the inside of her cheek and turned her head away.

“I am 59 years old. I was your teacher, I was Hokage, I am a woman, I-”

“So what?!” Sakura closed in on the older woman and pushed her finger into the blonde's collarbone.

“You didn't give me the time of day until I was nineteen and even then I was the one who wore you down after having been in love with you since I was sixteen! I had to fight you every step of the way and you turned me down time and time again until _I_ kissed _you_!” Sakura yelled, hair flying around her head as the air between crackled with energy.

“But they don't know that! All they will see is an old woman that has her hands all over her barely adult former student and do you know what they're going to ask themselves?” Tsunade demanded and pushed Sakura's finger away, creating distance while gesturing wildly.

“They're going to ask just when this started! If I was eyeing you when you were still a child, if I manipulated you into-”

“BULLSHIT!” Sakura fumed and in her rage sent a glass ornament onto the floor where it smashed into countless tiny pieces. Nobody moved or spoke for several seconds in which Sakura felt all of her anger drain away only to be replaced by the same kind of tired resignation she'd been carrying around with her for the past year.

“Is this how it's always going to be?” she asked quietly, shoulders sagging and hair falling in front of her eyes as her head dipped low.

“I'm sure you'll eventually have your 2.5 children with your Uchiha and a relationship you're happy with.” Sakura's eyes went wide as the rest of her body stilled. Her insides felt numb even as her eyes filled with water. No sound came from the other woman who had turned away from Sakura, towards the window. She opened her mouth, then closed it before turning around, grabbing her shoes off the ground and walking away. She didn't slam the door, made little to no noise as she hurried through the hallway and by the time she had reached the ground floor, could no longer hold back the tears.

“Ah, Sakura! I know it's your birthday and all but I wondered if I could talk to you before you attend your par...ty...” Sakura brushed past Shizune, gaze averted to try and hide the moisture streaming down her face. She didn't stop as she almost sprinted down the stairs of the old Senju estate the three of them shared. Shizune didn't follow her, never would put herself where she wasn't wanted and while Sakura usually appreciated it, this time, just once, she desperately wished the older woman who was a sister in all but name would come after her.

Tsunade's words still rang in her ears even long after she had left the Senju home behind. Sakura had turned Sasuke down in the beginning. The crush she'd been nursing had been replaced by another and she had little interest in her teammate anymore especially once she had finally – finally – claimed what her heart so desired.

What an idiot she'd been, to believe that getting to Tsunade had been the hard part. In the beginning, Sakura had not questioned her decision to keep their relationship a secret. She wasn't delusional and quite aware of their age difference, Tsunade's former status as kage, the fact that they'd been master and apprentice... Sakura had understood.

Then, a month passed. Then, three. Half a year. A year. Being with Tsunade was so easy and effortless despite their explosive tempers. They riled one another up and calmed down just as quickly, went back and forth, up and down, never failed to return to their blank slate. For the first year Sakura had been too happy to worry much about the sneaking around, the deception, the excuses she told her friends.

Until Sasuke decided to seriously pursue her. He, combined with Ino's random and unprompted efforts at setting up dates for Sakura had soon run her patience into the ground. Yet no matter how many times she'd begged Tsunade for her permission to just be open about their relationship, the woman had never yielded. Never budged. Sakura, who got whatever she wanted from the blonde no matter how long or hard she had to work for it, finally found the one wish Tsunade refused to grant her.

Those arguments were the only times they got truly heated. Sakura forever failed to understand, Tsunade forever failed to explain. If she didn't trust her friends, did she also not trust Sakura's judgment? And the way she kept bringing up her age _as if that meant anything at all_ when they were together and happy and-

Well. Not so happy after all. Sakura sniffled once and rubbed her eyes, only to curse upon spotting the smeared mascara on her skin. And she was supposed to be at her birthday party. Where all her friends were waiting, where Ino no doubt had prepared another set of random strangers she totally not invited to have them flirt with Sakura. Not to mention Sasuke who would give her a horribly overpriced gift, Naruto who would wink wink nudge nudge with the subtlety of a brick, hell even Lee who still hadn't given up on her and started issuing challenges to Sasuke...

“Mah mah. Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?” Sakura's head shot up before she remembered that she'd been crying. Kakashi didn't react to her ruined makeup or the tear tracks on her cheeks and she was grateful for it.

“Got lost. Had to help a cat cross the road,” she murmured weakly, unconsciously falling back into old habits. Using their old teacher's lame excuses had, somewhere along the way, turned into a way to express that they were Not Okay without having to actually admit it out loud. A system they'd come up with solely for Sasuke's sake. Sakura never expected to use it for herself.

“Those cats are known for being hapless in the face of road traversal, that is true,” the Rokudaime hummed in agreement, pocketing his adult romance novel and approaching Sakura. He'd left his robes behind and if Sakura didn't know any better she'd think that he had been planning on intercepting her on her way to the restaurant.

“Does the birthday girl want to talk about it?” he asked as he came to a stand next to her, facing ahead instead of Sakura. She snorted once, then shrugged.

“Can't,” she replied and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her shoes laid forgotten on the ground, the dress she'd been gifted by Tsunade brushed against the top of her thighs as it fluttered in the soft evening breeze.

“Ah. Trouble in paradise.” If she'd been drinking, Sakura would have choked. Instead, her head snapped around and she stared at Kakashi, eyes wide and mouth agape. Now it was his turn to shrug, followed by a slightly awkward shuffle.

“Your henges are good but you still smell like yourself and there's only one person in the entire village who can keep drinking till the sun goes up and still somehow walk home without falling on her face.” At a loss for words, Sakura continued to stare until she eventually caught herself and chuckled morosely.

“Also your infatuation with her is quite obvious to anyone with two eyes and a horizon that goes beyond 'oh they're just close friends'.” He fell silent, then:

“On top of _that_ , Shizune is a talkative drunk.”

“What?!” Sakura exclaimed and whirled around, hands in her hair and a low growl vibrating in her throat.

“We have to sneak around because she doesn't want anyone to know and as it turns out, people _already know_!” Kakashi shrugged once more, eyes following a pair of birds flying overhead.

“You shouldn't be that surprised. Shizune lives in the same house as you two. Of course she'd figure it out sooner or later,” he pointed out and while yes, he did have a point,

“But she never said anything!” At that, Kakashi looked at her, one brow raised, dark eyes drilling themselves into hers.

“Perhaps because she knows you weren't ready yet.” Sakura's mouth fell closed. Shizune, who had been with Tsunade longer than anyone else, would absolutely know when to reveal her hand and when to stay silent. Whatever Tsunade's true problem was, the one Sakura was not privy to, Shizune was likely aware of it. The revelation caused her spirits to drop once more and only Kakashi's hand and silent gesture towards her dress kept her from just slumping onto the grass.

“It's just the two of us. My ANBU are oblivious, otherwise I'd have heard of it much sooner. They're a gossipy bunch.”

“And I doubt any of your friends could have kept their mouths shut.” As much as Sakura loved every single one of them, Kakashi had a point. None of them were good secret keepers for various reasons. They'd either cave to one another, to someone else, or simply shout it from the rooftops.

“Well. Tsunade seems to think she'll be regarded as a predator. Anything to say about that?” Sakura asked, hands playing with the fine chiffon of her dress. It was held entirely in whites and reds, a colour combination that suited Sakura more than anything else. That Tsunade had worn the same colours in her youth was not discussed, but Sakura had made the connection nevertheless.

“Ah. Anyone who has ever met you knows that you're the predator.” She snorted in amusement, hands still roaming the skirt of the dress.

“But...” All at once, she stilled.

“The age difference is unusual. That, combined with your former apprenticeship... I can see why the Godaime prefers not to have your relationship become common knowledge.” Sakura deflated and returned to playing with the pale chiffon hem.

“It's been two years. And... because everyone thinks I'm single, Sasuke believes it's only a matter of time and Ino, she...” Sakura trailed off, leaving the rest of her sentence hanging in the air.

“What's the point in being the Godaime Hokage and part of the second coming of the sannin when you can't even be honest about who you're dating.”

“A question I ask myself every day. What's the point in being famous when all it does is get you a hat and an office for your trouble.” Despite herself, Sakura snickered at Kakashi's woeful expression.

“Ah. There we go. Happy girl,” the man stated, a hint of pride hiding underneath the dry delivery of the words he'd spoken. For an incredibly socially awkward man he was doing quite well for himself. Not that Sakura'd ever tell him that.

“Secrets have a way of coming out. Perhaps you should concentrate on making sure you will be ready for when they do, as opposed to trying to force a point and needlessly make yourself unhappy.” Sakura sighed once and shifted to the side, unconsciously leaning into the man.

“Perhaps you're right,” she said before bowing down and picking up her shoes. She'd already made them wait for roughly half an hour. Fashionably late only went so far.

“For what it's worth...” Sakura looked at Kakashi who gave her his trademark eye smile as he pulled his book from his pockets once again.

“You have my blessing. Only you two would survive each other.” With a lazy wave, the man disappeared in a swirl of leaves, leaving behind a small square box. Sakura blinked twice, unable to stop the smile that had snuck on her face. He'd lasted longer than she would have thought and had actually managed to improve her mood.

And also, Sakura realised upon inspecting the contents of the box, spent an outrageous amount of money on two beautifully intricate ruby earrings that went so well with her dress, Sakura doubted it was a coincidence.

' _Don't tell the others, but you're my favourite. Happy birthday, Sakura._ '

“Only you, sensei,” she muttered and shook her head even as she carefully plucked the jewelry from the box and put it in her ears. She'd have to have a talk with that man about what was an appropriate amount of money to spend on gifts and what wasn't. For someone who still refused to pay for his own food and continues to foist his bills onto others whenever possible, he had to have lost his damn mind when picking these.

Releasing all air in her lungs, Sakura allowed herself one last moment to dwell on regrets, then told herself to get her act together and move on. Birthdays didn't mean all that much to her but her friends had spent time and effort on preparing the party. She refused to be a downer all night. For their sake.

Two years of hide and seek had pretty much perfected her henge so Sakura wasted no time on returning home and fixing her makeup. Slipping into her heels, she made her way to the heart of the village. The few people she passed smiled and waved at her. Ever since Shizune had taken over the hospital from Tsunade, Sakura had found herself as head medic and all the duties and priviledges that came with the position. One of those was being familiar with almost the entire village.

The barbeque place came into view soon enough and even before Sakura saw the restaurant, she heard the music and the noise. Konoha's favourite party place certainly delivered for each birthday child lucky enough to have friends among the Akimichi. She tried entering quietly to hopefully slip inside before Naruto could spot and scream her name.

“SAKU-CHAN! YOU'RE LATE!” There went that idea. Putting on an apologetic smile, she briefly bowed her head before Kiba who, for some reason, manned the doors, ushered her inside. Besieged from all sides it took numerous apologies and hugs until the excitement died down. They'd tried singing but Sakura had quickly put a stop to that. Nobody wanted to deal with Naruto's pouting (he wasn't allowed to sing anymore for various reasons.)

“So, what kept you?” Tenten asked once the meat arrived. Sakura smiled, then pointed a finger at her earrings.

“Sensei dearest has decided to be very generous this year,” she replied and privately delighted in Naruto's cries of outrage.

“ALL I GOT WAS SOME RAMEN!” he yelled and got out of his seat only to be pulled back down by Sasuke immediately.

“Sakura's his favourite,” he grumbled, causing her to preen like a peacock. She _was_ Kakashi's favourite.

“Senseis aren't allowed to have favourites...” Naruto complained vocally and only shut up once Sasuke dumped some grilled meat onto his plate.

“Are you kidding me? They play favourites all the time!” Ino threw in, creating an argument that lasted for another half an hour after which the group unanimously decided that teachers were unfair and Hinata, Lee and Sakura were attention hoggers. Being surrounded by her friends, their typical squabbles, good food and cheer gradually chased away the heaviness in Sakura's stomach until she laughed loudly and freely.

After dinner, Sakura was more or less showered with gifts. She hadn't expected most of them to give her anything; she told them she didn't want any year after year and had high hopes that the message had finally sunk in. She'd been wrong.

Ino had given her a bottle of pricy perfume along with a makeup set that, to Sakura's surprise and immense pleasure, included her favourite lipstick. Naruto's gift had been a handmade gift card for ten free Ramen dishes at Ichiraku's. Sasuke presented her with a necklace that looked so expensive, Sakura almost refused it if only for the unspoken expectation that came with the gift. Lee brought flowers, Tenten a new pair of gloves – Sakura's old ones were beginning to wear down – Kiba gave her a massive toy dog plushie he'd gotten from heavens knew where, Shino handed her a carefully wrapped bee-shaped piece of amber that Sakura loved the second she laid eyes on it, Naruto's commentary be damned. Hinata's gift had been... interesting. A bottle of red nail polish along with a voucher for a trip to Konoha's largest sake brewery. The gift itself was incredibly creative but what sidetracked Sakura was the fact that the trip was meant for two.

“Byakugan,” the girl whispered quietly when Sakura stared at her for a second too long and then suddenly, it hit her right in the face. Hinata's byakugan was the most sensitive out of her entire clan to the point where she didn't need to activate it in order to see through minor disguises. Like a henge.

“Hinata-” Sakura began, horrified, only for the Hyuuga to smile and tilt her head to the side.

“Enjoy yourselves,” she murmured and patted her knee before turning around and entertaining Naruto who did his best to balance a set of chopsticks on his nose.

“You ok there?” Sakura flinched violently at Ino's interruption, then waved quickly and did her best to smile without showing how deeply the brief conversation had unsettled her. Hinata was quiet and good at keeping secrets from anyone but Naruto. But if she had told him he wouldn't have been able to keep it to himself. How long had the Hyuuga known? Sakura stared at the voucher as if it held the answers to all her questions.

“Just surprised. Hinata is certainly creative,” she replied before quickly putting the paper to where the rest of her gifts rested, right next to Choji's collection of homemade jams and Shikamaru's marble shogi set.

“It's a great gift. You'll have to take me! Just us girls, a nice weekend of getting drunk and having fun. We might even find you a boy toy to entertain you,” Ino said with a nudge and a wink. Sakura chuckled weakly in lieu of an answer and rubbed her forearm. The blonde stilled, just for a second, but long enough for Sakura to realise what she'd done.

“I just enjoy being single.” The words tasted like ash in her mouth but they were better than Ino sniffing until she smelled blood and then hunting down Sakura and her secrets like an animal. Visibly unconvinced, Ino raised a single brow but thankfully dropped the matter. For now, at least.

“It's a shame I arranged for a date for you then.” Sakura whirled around and stared at her best friend who inspected her nails in a great show of nonchalance.

“You _what_?!” she hissed as she rounded on the blonde, just as angry with her as she was with herself. She should have known. There was no way Ino wouldn't have tried to set Sakura up with someone on her damn birthday.

“He looks good, is nice enough, bit boring but you like that-” She did _not_ like that.

“I told you to stop trying to set me up when I'm not interested-”

“BAA-CHAN!” Sakura's blood froze in her veins. She raised her head, painfully slowly, and was met by Tsunade and Shizune walking side by side through the entrance and towards them. Kakashi trailed behind them, tired and worn, still missing both his robes and hat.

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asked, still surly for whatever reason while Sakura's eyes were stuck on Tsunade. Her heartbeat sped up as her throat ran dry and her palms began to sweat. They'd argued and Sakura had left, Shizune had seen her cry, the entire situation was a mess-

“Mah, it wouldn't do to ignore the birthday girl on her very special day, Sasuke-kun,” Kakashi chirped with his hands stuck in his pocket, earning him the trademark Uchiha glower for his troubles.

“Hey, hey! The bastard said Sakura's your favourite but that's not true, is it? I'm your favourite!” And just like that, the earlier debate rose up once more, providing enough noise and distraction that nobody noticed the way Sakura wrung her hands, the way her eyes darted from side to side, how her breath came fast and shallow-

“Stop freaking out.” A single hand on her shoulder caught and suppressed Sakura's violent flinch. A second later, Tsunade lowered herself onto the cushion next to Sakura that Hinata had abandoned a while ago to sit closer to Naruto. Gulping audibly, Sakura took a deep breath before releasing it in a valiant effort to calm her nerves.

“I'm sorry.” Sakura nearly dropped her glass at the murmur coming from her left. Ino sent her a single curious glance before being pulled back into an argument with her teammates. Tsunade never apologised. Unless-

“Oh. Shizune,” she mumbled and shared a single glance with the blonde that spoke of mutual suffering and experience with the soul-crushing disappointment that Shizune wielded like a hammer. The moment lasted for a second in which Sakura took in the warmth in Tsunade's eyes, so close she could almost touch-

“Hey hey, Sakura-chan. What are you talking about?” Two years of practise made the transition from one state to another as smooth as silk. Sakura barely skipped a beat before turning away and raising her chin high up in the air.

“None of your business,” she snarked and let his mock outrage wash over her. Shizune, who had watched them moments before, returned to her casual conversation with Hinata and Kakashi, whose eyes had rested on Sakura, moved on to Naruto instead.

Drinks came and went as did conversation. Some, like Ino, Naruto, Tenten and Kiba got rowdier as time passed and empty sake bottles were traded for full ones. Hinata on the other hand, much like Shikamaru and Shino, gathered in their own little group to chat about this or that. At some point, Tsunade's hand found its way on top of Sakura's and curled around it, the action hidden from view by the table they sat around. She's barely flinched at the contact and well, if her smiles were a little brighter and her laughter a little louder afterward, then that was nobody's business but hers.

It all went a little too well, in hindsight, yet when a rather good-looking man Sakura's age entered the establishment, heading straight for their table, she was caught off-guard nevertheless.

“Ah! Takeo! You made it!” The male looked straight at Sakura. Dread pooled in her stomach and she automatically gripped Tsunade's hand tighter even as her body went stiff.

“Takeo, Sakura. Sakura, Takeo. Your date!” Ino proclaimed proudly, accompanied by a number of drunken gestures that were probably meant to invite the man to the table. Throat dry, Sakura smiled weakly.

“I, um, I already told Ino but I'm not really in the mood-” She was cut off by Ino who turned around and poked her in the forehead.

“Is there _any_ good reason why you can't at least give it a try?!” she demanded at the same time as Takeo rubbed the back of his head, visibly uncomfortable with the intensity Sasuke sent his way.

“I'm sorry, but Ino made it sound as if you were interested,” he began and Ino immediately interrupted him:

“She is! Aren't you? _One_ good reason!” Suddenly the centre of attention, Sakura felt her limbs go numb and her insides cold at the continued silence from her left. Her head dropped low as she shrugged.

“No. No good reason,” she mumbled and let her hand slither out of Tsunade's grip. Except the blonde didn't let go, gripping her tighter instead.

“Actually,” Tsunade spoke up, voice and bearing casual in a way that Sakura could tell was faked by the subtle tension in her shoulders. Out of the corner of her eye she saw how Shizune stilled and how the book in Kakashi's hands mysteriously vanished.

“She has a reason.” Tsunade emptied the cup of sake in front of her, then regarded the man coolly, not so polite dismissal written all over her face.

“What's happening?” Naruto whisper-yelled to Sasuke who shoved the handsy blonde away from him, squinting at Tsunade instead.

“I- I see,” Takeo stuttered and wrung his hands, looking at Ino for help whose levels of drunkenness had taken the last shreds of inhibition from her.

“Come on Lady Tsunade, you can give her tomorrow off or something, it's her birthday, let her enjoy herself,” Ino demanded more than pleaded with Tsunade. Sakura, intimately attuned to the older woman, felt the way her chakra sparked beneath her skin and the way her temper rose.

“Sakura?” Her breath stopped when Tsunade addressed her. Painfully slowly, she turned around to stare into her deep honey coloured eyes that had never been so close in public before-

“Are you enjoying yourself?” the blonde asked and rubbed her thumb over the back of Sakura's hand.

' _Trust me._ '

“Y...yes,” she breathed, unable to look away from the woman's flawless ivory skin, her pink pouty lips, the curve of her jaw, the few straw blonde strands of hair that fell in front of her face.

“Your presence is not required. Shoo,” Tsunade broke the spell by dismissing Takeo who, after several awkward moments, quietly excused himself.

“Oh my Goood, I spent weeks convincing him! At this rate, Sakura's never going to get a date!” Ino lamented, immune to Sasuke's glower and Naruto's protests.

“She doesn't need one.” Tsunade downed another cup of sake and leaned backwards, once more relaxed and only a little tense. Sakura averted her gaze in favour of staring at the table, a faint flush colouring her cheeks a rosy red.

“Eh? I get that you're protective of her, but she can't stay single forever, you know,” Ino grumbled and Sakura fervently wished she'd just _shut up_. She didn't know where this was going, didn't dare hope and why was she suddenly terrified of the prospect of people finding out when that was what she'd wanted all along-

“She's not single.” A cold shower ran down her spine at Tsunade's deceptively casual comment, heavy with weight that meant there was only one way this was going and she didn't know how to deal with it-

“WHAT?! Since when?? Forehead, are you keeping secrets?!”

“SAKU-CHAN HAS A BOYFRIEND? IS IT THE BASTARD?!”

“I didn't know Sakura was in a relationship!”

“Oh my God, oh my god, this is a dumpster fire,” Sakura murmured quietly to herself and buried her head in her free hand, wishing she could just disappear because none of this was going the way it was supposed to-

“Two years, one month, three weeks, six days.” Sakura blinked, stopped, then before she could catch herself, looked at Tsunade and asked:

“You kept count?” Silence fell over the table, the calm of the storm, before chaos reigned once more.

“YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR TWO YEARS?!” Ino and Naruto screamed in Sakura's ears while Sasuke no doubt was just shy of going up in flames while the rest of their year mates watched.

“ _Who_?! Who the hell have you been keeping from me for over two years?!” Sakura froze. Ino was right there, next to her, red-faced and furious and she just stared at her helplessly, at a loss for words and too panicked to even try and think of what to say.

“I-”

“Me.” If a pin were to fall on the floor right now, it'd be the loudest noise in the entire restaurant. She felt her left hand being lifted above the table, the way her fingers were entwined with Tsunade's on display for all to see. Utter silence ruled as some brains processed faster than others, gears turned, Tsunade drank, Sakura drowned in utter panic-

“Is this a joke?” Sasuke's cool voice, chillier than the Land of Frost, cut through the silence like a knife. His dark eyes smouldered with barely constrained rage and Sakura found herself caught in his gaze like he was a predator and she was his prey.

“Do I look like I'm joking, Uchiha? Stop glaring like that, lest your face gets stuck in that expression.”

“ _What_?!” Ino screeched, hands in the air, as if she had just been run over by a wagon.

“Fuck, I wish I had some popcorn,” Tenten murmured in morbid fascination from the corner she sat in, next to a dangerously tipsy Lee with glassy eyes.

“I... I can explain...” Sakura spoke up in a feeble attempt to somehow keep the situation from escalating when Naruto regained his voice.

“WHAT THE HELL BAA-CHAN! YOU'RE WAY TOO OLD FOR-” He didn't get much further than that. Between one second and the next, Sakura had lunged across the table and smashed her fist right into his face. Naruto was launched backwards through a set of tables and chairs until he crashed into the brick wall on the other end of the restaurant.

“One more word and I will break every single bone in your body,” she growled, all rage, fury and wrath, chakra coating her fists and ready to be unleashed onto the next soul who dared going down that road.

“Now now, Sakura-chan, threatening to kill your teammates is a tradition we agreed to bury,” Kakashi drawled with a subtle warning hiding underneath his jovial tone.

“ _Did you know about this_?” Sasuke hissed, having found a new target for his icy fury. Kakashi sighed loudly, then shrugged.

“Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't. Either way it's not my business. Sakura is an adult and can make her own decisions,” the jounin replied, once more immersed in his book that he wasn't actually reading which everyone around the table was fully aware of.

“Knew there was a reason I made you my successor,” Tsunade snorted without a care in the world. Sakura eyed the number of bottles in front of her. A nervous Tsunade was the worst alcoholic of them all.

“Okay, I think I had a little bit too much to drink because for a second there I really thought that Sakura is dating Lady Tsunade. You know, the woman who fought in the second Great War, the Godaime Hokage, the... woman.” Ino babbled when she was drunk which was truly quite unfortunate. Sakura didn't need to look at Tsunade to know what currently went through in her head. Every single objection the older woman ever had brought up had just been pointed out by Ino.

“We're not dating. We've been in a steady relationship since I was nineteen after I tried to get her to notice me for three years. It's a partnership. And I'd advise you to think about your next words very carefully.” Straightening her spine and squaring her shoulders, Sakura rounded the table and returned to her seat, deliberately closing the distance between her and Tsunade until their arms touched.

“This shit is like kunoichi diaries,” Kiba commented not-so-quietly, followed by a series of rapid nods from Tenten.

“I... I don't even know what to say,” Ino murmured and slumped in her seat, dazed and seemingly lost to the world.

“Which is probably for the better.” Having added his two ryo to the conversation, Shikamaru lit another cigarette and returned to staring at the ceiling.

“But you live together! Sakura moved in with you when she was fourteen! Why the hell is nobody else bothered by this?!” Before Sakura could get up and assault Sasuke, even before Tsunade could blow up, someone else stepped in.

“In case you forgot, Uchiha-san, I too am a member of that household and if you think that I would have tolerated or kept quiet about any sort of abuse or misconduct, then perhaps you and I truly need to get better acquainted with one another.” Shizune's voice ran colder than the frozen seas and the glint in her eyes reminded everyone of the fact that before taking over as head of the hospital, she'd led the biological warfare division of Konoha's R&D forces. Shizune was, without a doubt, the kindest and most benevolent soul in the entire village but only a fool wanted to _get better acquainted_ with her.

“Look at me, Sasuke. Do you really think I'm a victim?” She owed him this, Sakura reminded herself. He was her teammate, her friend, and no matter how good her reasons, she'd been lying to him for years. Sasuke glared at her.

“Apparently I have no idea what you are,” he bit out and only the twitch of her hand gave away the effect his words had on her.

“I get that this is a shock. And that I've been lying to you guys. But I really expected you to at least be happy for me. Thanks for the party,” Sakura said flatly and rose from her seat, using just enough chakra to pull Tsunade along. The blonde had been suspiciously silent and Sakura knew exactly what was going through her head. She'd put herself out there, finally given in to Sakura and fulfilled her greatest wish, only to have her fears and doubts confirmed and thrown back in her face. She really wished she'd listened to her sooner.

“Nee-chan, can you-”

“Of course.” Shizune smiled warmly and Sakura hoped her gratitude showed in her eyes as she turned around and left the restaurant hand in hand with Tsunade. As soon as the cold air hit her face, Sakura deflated and stopped dead in her tracks, staring at the ground, too afraid to look at Tsunade and what she might find there.

“You were right. You were right and I'm sorry. This... I didn't think this would happen.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, shame and regret both choking her up.

“I wish I hadn't argued with you. I wish I hadn't said anything at all.” Silence. Then:

“I'll get over it.” Detachment and neutrality hit Sakura in the face like a slap. Her head snapped to the side only to find Tsunade's face blank and empty. Her eyes began to burn as she stared at her, desperately searching for an opening in the wall of steel she'd immersed herself in.

“The idiot is right. I am far too old for you. I've always known but to hear someone else say it changes things.” No. No. Nononono-

“Perhaps some distance is in order. You should get the opportunity to try and get to know people your age. I should've done this sooner,” Tsunade murmured to herself and shook her head while Sakura stared at her, at a loss of words.

“Are you... leaving me?” she asked, voice weak and feeble because surely she misunderstood, there was no way-

“I am, aren't I.” No. No way. No. Way.

“No,” Sakura said, hollow and empty. Shaking her head, she regained some clarity and violently forced all the panic, fear and fucking heartbreak into the darkest corner of her mind.

“It's my birthday. You're not breaking up with me on my birthday.” Keeping a tight lid on the ever growing despair, Sakura shook her head once more before staring at the older woman in defiance.

“We're going drinking. Somewhere where we can dance. Just you and I. And tomorrow we're going to talk because I didn't spend three fucking years trying to prove to you that I am worth your time and affection only for you to break up with me because some blonde idiot thought he had the right to comment on our relationship!” Sakura forced herself to keep going for if she stopped, she'd lose all traction. She couldn't allow Tsunade to gain any ground. If she did, her mind could not be changed anymore and that was _unacceptable_.

“Sakura-”

“No. It's my birthday.” Perhaps it the way her lower lip wobbled or the shakiness of her voice, or even the raw and naked desperation in her eyes but whatever it was, it silenced the blonde.

“Fine.” Not giving Tsunade any chance to change her mind, Sakura closed her hand around the woman's wrist and pulled her along. She walked with purpose, quick and determined. If she stopped, even just for a single second, she'd have time to think and that, Sakura could not afford.

“No henge,” she said when they reached their favourite sake bar, a quiet little place that only few frequented.

“Not this time.” Sakura stared at Tsunade who met her gaze steadily, free hand raised in front of her body to perform the jutsu.

“Please.” Sakura wondered whether it was the alcohol or the exhaustion that made the usually stubborn blonde so pliable. Maybe a combination of the two. Either way, the blonde dropped her hand without another word, hair still blonde, eyes still brown, diamond proud on her forehead. Sakura smiled, a small but affectionate thing, and threaded her fingers through Tsunade's, gently pulling her through the curtains.

The bar was almost empty. A few civilian patrons lingered close to the counter. Only one table had shinobi sitting on it. Tsunade's fingers tightened, just for a second, but enough to make Sakura inspect the group closer. She spotted Izumo and Kotetsu the second they spotted them – and their interlocked hands. Sakura looked for another moment before pulling Tsunade to a quiet corner at the very back of the establishment.

“Sake, please. A lot of it. It's my birthday,” she told the barkeeper as they passed him. Once she had sat down, she finally dared to look at the blonde who hadn't raised her voice once ever since Sakura convinced her to go along with her plans.

“I'm glad you left your hair open. It's so pretty.” Pretending like the past half an hour hadn't happened was anything but easy but whenever Sakura's thoughts strayed back to deeper waters, she forcefully banished them back into their designated box.

“You're aware that no matter what happens, you will wake up tomorrow and the whole village will look at you and either pity you or ask what the hell is wrong with you.” Sakura's fingers twitched at the blandness that sounded so jarring to her ears.

“I don't care about them. They don't know me,” she said as calmly as possible and smiled at the waitress who left a tray of sake on their table with an extra side of free dango.

“Indifference doesn't stop the rumour mill.” Sakura sighed and closed her eyes. After taking a deep breath, she faced Tsunade and stared until the blonde returned her gaze.

“What is the problem?” she asked.

“Because I don't know. You don't tell me. Is it people thinking that you might have corrupted me? Since when do you care what others think about you?” Because Tsunade didn't. Never once for the entire time Sakura'd known her, had the blonde ever given a single damn about the opinions of others. If Shizune's tales were anything to go by, Tsunade had always been this way. So what had changed? In front of her eyes, Tsunade suddenly seemed to age thirty years, showing the tiredness Sakura hadn't seen in a long time. Even without her henge, with faint lines around her eyes and mouth, Tsunade had always retained the defiant and vibrant energy Sakura had so fallen in love with.

“I didn't use to be in a relationship with a woman I met when she was a minor, a woman that's forty years younger than me and my former student,” Tsunade murmured and downed an entire bottle of sake in one single go.

“You like to pretend that none of that matters when it _does_. It really fucking does.” The blonde leaned forward, hair falling in front of her face, hiding half of it from sight.

“It's easy to ignore most of it when it's just you and me. But the second... the second people know, I will constantly be reminded of how I used to graduate, kill, almost marry, was branded a legend, fought in a war, abandoned my village and raised a _kid_ all before you were even born.” With a motion of her hand, Tsunade moved her hair aside and looked Sakura right in the eyes.

“You'll be forty when I die. That's in twenty years. Doesn't that fucking terrify you?” Sakura had never seen Tsunade so genuinely distressed before. In this moment, the woman was an open book to her and what Sakura saw nearly unravelled her from the inside.

“No,” she said and held Tsunade's gaze.

“You could be my age, you could be a civilian, you could be a criminal for all I care,” Sakura continued and reached for a cup of sake, letting her fingers slide over the smooth ceramic.

“You'd still be you. And I'd still love you.” And wasn't that just the truth.

“I sometimes think that I fell in love with you the moment I first laid eyes on you. It's a stupid thought. I was thirteen, crushing on Sasuke and an idiot. But when I think back to that day that you walked through those doors, that tall shining figure of strength, steel and fire... I think a part of me reached for you and just... never came back.” Sakura stared at her fingers, remembering days long gone and yet despite everything that happened, the good and the bad, the clearest image in her mind was that of Tsunade standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, a tower so much larger than life.

“I was trailing after you like a puppy for years but never thought much of it because why would I? I was in love with Sasuke. Everyone knew that. In my mind, he was the one for me, the one I would marry and have lots of little baby Uchiha with. He'd been my entire life at that point. In hindsight, I'm not sure how much of it was simply habit.” Tsunade made no move to speak up, so Sakura went on.

“My parents are kind of traditional so it wasn't until Shizune gave me that talk, that I realised that women can love each other too. And suddenly, the way I always looked at you, how everyone and everything else stopped mattering the second you entered the room, how I kept thinking about you even when you weren't around, all felt different.” She paused.

“I learned to love you before I learned that sometimes, life doesn't care about fairytale romances. Perhaps that is why we are different.”

“Is that how you think about our relationship? A fairytale romance?” Sakura stopped briefly, then chuckled once and shook her head.

“Heavens, no. We're so similar, we really shouldn't work. With our tempers and strength, by all laws of nature, we should have torn each other to pieces ages ago.” Tsunade raised her bottle to that, causing Sakura to erupt into a fit of giggles.

“But it works. It shouldn't, but it _does_. I still don't know why you gave me a chance, if you took pity on me or just wanted me to stop annoying you, but can you honestly tell me that you regret it? That being with me isn't just... easy? Effortless? That we don't match for whatever godawful reason?” The silence was all too telling. Tsunade was many things but a liar wasn't one of them. If she voiced no objections, it was because she didn't have any.

“We both love to drink, we're loud and moody, we like to pick fights, enjoy brawling, can go all out on one another without having to watch our strength, enjoy quiet evenings on the porch, have both been sort of adopted by Shizune who still puts up with us even though nobody knows why, the sex is amazing-” At this point, Sakura remembered the shinobi that weren't all that far away and that her hushed voice had increased in volume as she continued talking. She flushed a bright scarlet and valiantly ignored both the sudden stiffness in their shoulders and the stink-eye Tsunade gave her.

“The point is, we're perfect for each other. What does it matter if you're older than me or used to be my teacher. What does it matter if people talk about us. Shizune has known for ages and don't you think that if there was anything wrong with our relationship, she would have stepped in?” Shizune would have raised hell and high water, wouldn't have faltered even a second before challenging Tsunade if the latter had ever mistreated Sakura or laid hands on her when she was still a child. Sakura knew this. So did Tsunade.

“In hindsight, I can't believe I ever thought she didn't know. She sleeps almost next door to you. Surely at some point, she must have _heard_.” With that realisation, came the embarrassment. Dear God, Shizune had heard them have sex. She _must_ have. Suddenly Sakura wished she was less vocal. And Tsunade less prone to spontaneous bursts of consensual violence.

“Shizune keeps a special poison on her person, one I'm not immune to. I know because she threatened to use it on my sake in case I overstep my boundaries with you.” Both surprised and not, Sakura widened her eyes in horror, fully aware of what Shizune could do with poisons, then burst out laughing.

“Of course she did,” she managed in between fits of laughter and when Tsunade's low rumble joined her, she felt a familiar warmth bloom in her chest. Their mirth died down eventually but the silence was less oppressive than before.

“I keep waiting for the day that you realise that I am too old and you have no future with me. That you will pick the Uchiha, as you always dreamed you would. I think about that a lot.” Sakura felt her heart break, just a little, at the admission that came the closest Tsunade ever would to saying that she worried. That there were gaps in her armor (as if Sakura didn't already know and love her for it all the same.)

“I worry sometimes, that one day you will wake up and stop humouring me. You're my first but I'm not yours. The shadow I'm in is... daunting, at times.” What was she in comparison to the one great love Tsunade lost, or even Jiraiya who was the one who got away and who Tsunade would have no doubt ended up with, had he survived his former students.

“Each of you was different. Is different. You shouldn't compare. I know I don't.” Sakura looked at Tsunade through her lashes, fingers on the table, tips stretching out towards the other woman.

“Funny. I was about to tell you the same thing.” The waitress returned and brought them another round of drinks. Tsunade had consumed the majority of them yet the clarity of both her speech and movements suggested she'd been passively purging her system of the alcohol all this time.

“It's too late now anyway. The secret's out. Shizune knew all this time, at some point apparently told Kakashi and Hinata saw through our henges. Neither was worried enough to mention it or try to meddle. I think it's safe to trust their judgments over Naruto's who's a loveable idiot, but still an idiot.” Tsunade snorted and refilled both their cups.

“You do realise that the majority of the village is more like Naruto than Shizune in that regard, yes?” Sakura shrugged and knocked back her cup before moving a hand through her hair, pulling it from the confines of the high ponytail she'd wrangled it into for the party.

“Talk shit, get hit. And I hit hard.” She cracked her knuckles to emphasise her statement and gave the blonde a crooked grin when she rolled her eyes.

“You send em to the hospital, you patch em up again,” Tsunade said, before stopping herself and visibly reconsidering.

“Actually, nevermind. It's not my job to give a shit anymore.” Sakura toasted to that and after emptying an entire bottle on her own, shifted in her seat and leaned against Tsunade who, after a few seconds, draped her arm around Sakura's waist and pulled her closer.

“See? Isn't this nice?” she asked and shrieked when Tsunade dug her finger in between Sakura's ribs. Her resulting laughter drew the attention of the other patrons, not that she was aware of it.

“Bitch,” she murmured fondly and stuck her tongue out at Tsunade who reacted just like she usually did: by reaching over and attempting to smack the back of Sakura's head.

“Too slow,” she taunted and jumped out of her seat, only narrowly avoiding a fist that would have bruised her forearm.

“You are too drunk to catch me,” Sakura crooned and leaned closer, delighting in the twitch of Tsunade's eye, the furrowing of her brows and the way her upper lip curled upwards to reveal a hint of pearly white teeth.

“You can frown at me all you like but that won't help you either!” The wink was what sent Tsunade over the egde.

“COME HERE YOU MENACE!” Sakura shrieked in joy and bound backwards to avoid a wide swing of Tsunade's fist. Cackling maniacally, she whirled around and sprinted out of the bar, Tsunade hot on her heels who paid the bartender and barked a 'Not a word!' in Izumo's and Kotetsu's direction before giving chase.

In hindsight, Sakura probably woke half the village with her giggles and playful howling, accompanied by Tsunade's vicious cursing and yelling. She caught her eventually, as she always did, because the sannin stat boost was just criminally unfair. In the middle of the high road, the blonde grabbed Sakura around the waist and pulled her off her feet just as she was about to jump. Sakura yelped, then threw her head backwards onto Tsunade's shoulder, laughing in glee.

“Who's too slow now, huh?!” the blonde demanded and shook Sakura like an unruly kitten.

“I let you catch me!” Tsunade growled and released Sakura, fingers poised to give her the Forehead Flick of Death, when Sakura darted into her range and before the other woman could react, ducked underneath her arm and pressed her lips against the blonde's.

“And this is the reason,” she murmured against her mouth and closed her eyes when strong hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer. She tasted of sake and vanilla, along with a faint hint of mint Sakura forever failed to find the origin of.

“Cheeky bitch,” Tsunade growled and nipped at her lower lip, prompting a low chuckle from Sakura who took half a step closer and placed her hand on the blonde's cheek.

“We'll pull through. You and I. Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. Trust me.” Tsunade still for a moment, shoulders tense, before she deflated and touched her forehead against Sakura's, diamond on diamond.

“There's no denying you anything, is there.” She sounded exasperated instead of annoyed, so Sakura smiled and shook her head.

“Why would you even want to?” she asked, causing the blonde to snort.

“I'm sure you can think of a reason,” Tsunade deadpanned and slung her arms around Sakura's shoulders, guiding her in the direction of their home.

“No good one,” Sakura replied with a wink. Tsunade tilted her head to the side, bumping it against hers and closed her eyes.

“No good reason, indeed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Never quite sure if I write these for the plot or just to channel my obsession into a medium of my choice. Asking the really big questions here.


End file.
